The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and repercussions.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Many gay males wish to learn from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it her comment is here can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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