The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love carries enormous significance and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good also).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn page in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .

But when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that numerous of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay males wish to discover out from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Comments on “The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin”

Leave a Reply

Gravatar