The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good too).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and wellness .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools Continued are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that numerous of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in urban locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay men wish to discover from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather my response than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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